Flesh and Spirit

I have a dual nature. Spirituality and Carnality.
Sometimes, I am so alive in the flesh, like one big raw nerve ending, full of every human emotion, enjoying life or hating it passionately, almost feeling high. That is how I feel today. It feels glorious, it's the feeling of being alive.
Then, just as I'm reveling in this lust for life, I feel a stab of guilt. I feel that, perhaps, God disapproves. Why?!
I believe in God, he is very real to me. I know he accepts me as I am.
Sometimes, this view gets distorted by other people, those who claim to speak, or preach for God.
It's almost as if I see God through their eyes, see myself through their eyes and I see someone who is sorely lacking.
Why would I do this to myself? I was in the Jehovah's Witnesses from birth to age eleven. That is the major part of it. The JWs teach about an angry Jehovah, with JW elders and others as His spies, ready to cast your vile ass out should you fail to cower properly.
I think that is the key. I forget myself. I forget that I should be behaving properly. It's as if the label "Christian" is a millstone around my neck, dragging me down into guilt.
It has to do with my fellow human beings. It has nothing to do with Christianity, which simply put, is the belief in Christ as savior.
I don't know that any other Christian even ponders these things. It all has the tinge of blasphemy and shame. Good thing that you judge me not, Dear Blog.