Issues, Issues, Issues

...or lack thereof. I don't trust my judgement right now. Still very depressed...then it perpetuates itself. I've been thinking of dearly-loved people who have died.
About two years ago, over the course of two years, many of my closest, dearest friends, the ones who understood me best, died. They died for various reasons: natural causes, disease, old age. I felt like a piece of me, a valuable part of my life, died with each one.
Shortly afterward, my husband and I realized a long-planned for event: we were able to move out of the big city and into a nicer, quieter community.
The combination, however, hasn't been good for me. I've found it so difficult to set down roots here and I have very little desire to make friends. I still mourn for my old friends. I've made a friend here and there in this town but they don't last. I've tried getting involved in church but I just don't seem to connect with anyone. Others don't seem interested in getting to know me either. Or they say they want to be friends but don't return my calls so I give up. Or they turn out to be what I'll call psychic vampires: people who can generate no positive energy of their own and suck it out of others.
Anyway, I am just very depressed and lonely as I sit here in front of my computer. I'll be so glad to be back on medication, not so much that it alters my mind but that it seems to keep the thoughts moving along so I don't get bogged down like this.
And bogged down I am, I'm in a prison of my own imagining. I feel trapped therefore I am trapped.
Yet, there is a grain of truth to it. I need to mourn properly and move on. I need to continue to live and carry the memory of my dead friends but still, go on living, Their end is not my end. I am still here.