Symptoms

I've been thinking about my weight. I gained alot over a few years and then maintained at the higher weight for several years. I now am gaining again.
For years, I've been puzzled. I've never really considered myself an emotional eater but the weight gain didn't happen on its own. Now I'm thinking that I may be someone who eats to squealch negative emotion or experience positive emotion.
I am feeling extremely irritated as I write this. I had to go at it backwards by starting with "What am I not doing?" I am not leading a fulfilling, useful life. I am not nurturing myself neither do I have any relationships that nurture me. My relationship with my spouse breaks even: some nurturing, some tearing down.
So. You could say my life is fairly empty, especially with the only person I am really connected with gone 85% of the time. Due to my deep depressions, when I am alone I don't really do too many positive things for myself either. This blog would probably be it and I "socialize"a little online but let's face it, most online friendships are extremely superficial. I only know people by their screen names for the most part. I draw and read sometimes depending on how much energy the depression has left me with.
Seeking pleasure through food is an easy alternative. It doesn't require much effort and some foods have the added benefit of boosting "feel good" chemicals in the brain if only temporarily.
I now have the knowledge that I am leading an empty, unfulfilling life and my way of dealing with emotions is unhealthy. Now what?
These are specifics on the vague, trapped feeling I've had for the longest time. They don't help. Not one fucking bit.
There was a time that I would be energized to do something about it, to wrest control of my life from negative forces but that time has passed.
I'm burned out, off my medication and without emotional support. My life is a meaningless void.