A Lack of Perfection

Ah failure. I stayed up all night with extreme anxiety over taking those buses and being away from home. Was too tired to go and unable to force myself. So I canceled the appointment. It seems that I have to learn the same lessons over and over.
Over and over. And over. I'll write more tomorrow. I am totally burned out on massive online socializing. I hate being so weird. I wish I could be one of those people that work and go to church and have kids and just act fucking normal.
I mean I've been a freakshow my whole life, never quite feeling "a part of" things beginning with my heritage and on from there: the mental problems, the alcoholism(sober now), the lack of the usual trappings of society.